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How To Create Healthy Boundaries [Relationship Series]

How To Create Healthy Boundaries [Relationship Series]

Clarity is power


Welcome to The Dr. Erin Podcast:

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Welcome to The Dr. Erin Podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma, birth your soul’s purpose, and manifest your dreams. Learn the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I’m here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life.  I want you to know that I’ve been exactly where you are and I believe in you. Together, we are awakening the world.  

Hi, I'm Dr. Erin, doctor of divinity and the creator of the E4 Trauma Method®, world-renowned spiritual leader, master spiritual psychology coach, international best-selling author, and the 2020 Walden Wisdom award winner next to Oprah. 

Dr. Erin is committed to bridging spirituality, science, and psychology. She is forging ‘New Thought Wisdom’ in the study of Spiritual Psychology; the study of how everything is created from Source at a soul level.

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Transcript

(00:01):

This is

(00:02):

Live from Los Angeles. Welcome to the Dr. Aaron show. We're all about manifestation transformation and breakthroughs. It's time to claim your birthright of prosperity, vitality and love. So grab your tea coffee, because together we're awakening the world. May you live your truth?

(00:21):

Welcome divine legends. Oh my gosh. If you are somebody who is dealing with needing to set boundaries, you definitely want to listen to this podcast and watch this video. I have so much experience on those. You guys, you have no idea coming from being someone who is completely co-dependent and dysfunctional years back and mastering how to create boundaries, how to hold boundaries and still being tested, being tested, being tested, and working with, you know, hundreds of women, uh, in our community and thousands of women's hundreds of thousands of women across the globe. I just wanna say that this is very normal and natural to be trying to figure out how to create boundaries. So I'm Dr. Aaron, I'm a doctor divinity, founder of new thought global and society and teaching universal law, metaphysics of mind, science of mind, and how our subconscious mind gets reprogrammed through E four trauma method and all of our different modalities that we teach and certify all of our spiritual coaches, practitioners, law of attraction ministers, and yes, doctors of divinity.

(01:28):

So let's break this on down. You guys boundaries how to create healthy boundaries, how to live your truth, how to truly, truly be able to not make people wrong, see them for the divinity and stay in your power. And let me tell you, I don't think that you ever stop this masterclass of life. So it's so funny because, um, you know, years back I was completely codependent and dis dysfunctional in my relationships. And I remember, you know, hearing this thing called boundaries and <laugh> boundaries for me meant blocking people. That was the only sense I knew of like boundaries, cuz it was all or nothing when you're kind of an addict. And when you're, you know, in this realm. And so it is taken me many, many years to understand and be able to implement, being able to hold healthy boundaries for myself in the realm of relationship, but also in the realm of friendships, in the realm of, you know, social media in the realm of everything.

(02:27):

So I invite you to take your pin and paper out. If you do not already subscribe to the, um, podcast, if you do not subscribe to the YouTube, this goes on both platforms. And so please subscribe tele a friend tag, a friend, because this work is super important for us to be able to have our friends, our inner circle, our family be able to all rise together. Our mission in society is to waken a billion people. And how I know we will fulfill upon that mission is by developing the most doctors of divinity on this planet. That truly is my goal. So let's break this on down. It's all the buzz and all the rage to, to create boundaries right now. There's books coming out on it. Everyone's talking about it. It's nothing new. It's something that we've had to learn for for all of all of time, but today we're gonna break it on down.

(03:15):

So there's a great fairytale. It's called Goldie locks and the three bears. And it's a really funny little fairy tale because it's a story of Goldie locks, this little girl who kind of, I think she gets lost out in the woods and she stumbles upon this like little house, a little log cabin out in the woods. She says, well, maybe somebody can help me find my way back home. And so she knocks three times on the door and she goes inside and she realizes nobody's there. So she starts kind of looking around and she goes, well, I'm a little hungry. And I don't think anyone really mind that. And there's three bowls of porridge and she, you know, eats one and she's like, Ooh, this is too hot. She eats another. And she goes, Ooh, this is too cold. And she eats the third and she says, just right, right.

(03:57):

Then she goes onto the living room and she finds, I think three chairs sits in one and thinks it's too hard. One's too soft. And the other one's just right. And then she goes up in the bed and, and lays on the bed and tries all three beds. And again, one's too hard, one too soft. And one's just right. And she falls asleep and lo and behold three bears come home. A mom bear, a daddy bear and a baby bear. And they come in and they're like, who's eating our porch. Who's broken our chairs. And they go up and they find little girl and she runs out cuz of course she's afraid of the bears. She runs home and she decides she's never going back to the woods and the bears never see Goldilocks again. So what's the moral of the story. Little weird really right.

(04:40):

If you think about it. But the point is, as you know, a mentor of mine, a metaphysical mentor told me years ago, years ago that all relationships are the opportunity to discover what you like and what you don't like, what works and doesn't work. Right. And another concept is that all the relationships are the opportunity for us to develop our spiritual mastery, to accept people exactly as they are in their total divinity, but also being able to know and make the distinction between who they are and who we are and what works and doesn't work. So, you know, diving in further into relationships that have no boundaries and that are what we call, you know, enmeshed and really don't work. They end up, you know, being, getting together, breaking up, going around the circles, all the dysfunction of a relationship. We recognize that it's important to, to be able to place boundaries, to have two healthy individuals that are complete themselves and that can come together in the parts of them that do work, the parts that they create together, whether it be, you know, that they just enjoy being friends, whether they enjoy, you know, creating a family together, whether they enjoy creating something for the world.

(05:56):

And we, we recognize all relationships and we celebrate all relationships, whether you're gay straight, no matter what, your definition of a relationship, we're just talking about the generality of all relationship, because guess what? All of life is a relationship. So we have to understand that all of life is going to be pushing us to see what our boundaries are. So another word for boundaries is living your truth, right? So I, I, I don't really care for the word boundaries so much because I don't feel like I need to place bounds on anything. And cuz I'm boundless. My love is boundless. My expression is boundless, but where it's received may, you know, be different for, you know, it may not be received and we call it boundaries, whatever it is. But it really is more about boundaries. It's not about the other person. Boundaries is about yourself.

(06:47):

And let me explain. So I remember, uh, years back being in a dysfunctional relationship and thinking if he just changed, then I wouldn't have to, you know, be a, a B, right? If he just didn't do this, then I wouldn't have to be controlling. If he just did this, then I wouldn't get upset, eh, wrong answer, right? From a metaphysical standpoint, everything is just a reflection and projection of our beliefs. And if we're having beliefs that love hurts or love is chaotic or relationships are hard, hence they will be hard. Hence you'll always be going in the ups and downs of the roller coasters out there. So placing the boundaries is more about getting clear about yourself, about what works for you. What doesn't work for you, where, you know, everyone has different cycles, how you sleep may be different than somebody else, what you like to do.

(07:39):

And when you like to do it, it might be different than somebody else. How, you know, you go about in work may be different than say your boss or your peers, right? Everything is about getting clarity of who you are so that you can show up fully as you are and people can accept you. And you can accept people, places and things as they are because the gap of suffering is wanting people, places and things to be different than they are. So our gap of boundaries is really getting clear of accepting others exactly are, but also, and more importantly, accepting ourselves for who we are so that we can fully state and be clear of who we are. So other people can accept us or not accept us and place their own boundaries of living their own truth for themselves. So how the hell do we do this?

(08:24):

Right? So for me, it took a lot of self work, a lot of, uh, transforming my trauma, a lot of 12 step programs, a lot of practice and failing and practicing and failing, right? And making amends and then making amends again and so on and so forth. So today I can honestly say that building your boundaries primarily has to do with understanding and the universal law in that we recognize that everything is frequency, right? All of life is frequency. And so we understand that if we inform our subconscious mind and universal law with upsets and sadness and frustrations and arguments, we're going to disrupt our soul and we're going to actually create this even more tribulation, that's gonna create more tribulation in the world. So as I say, there's only, the only thing to fear is fear itself because fear itself is what's informing your subconscious mind in the divine mind.

(09:20):

So it's not about another person that can upset you. It's not about because no one can upset you. You are responsible for your own emotion. So boundaries are not about somebody else. They're actually about taking responsibility around your own emotions and around your own vibration and your own energy. So we always say that, you know, when I'm working with somebody and they're trying to heal the bare minimum, I need someone to stay is at peace. Okay. If you're going, if the, the goal is to get into bliss and ecstasy and in that flow and in the manifestation, like creation factor of all of it, right? But if you go down and you're upset and you're, I turbulate, and you're reacting, then you're going to go into a spiral of downward spiral versus up here, you're gonna go into an upward spiral, right? So if you are not being able to set boundaries and you're getting into upsets, then that's dangerous because you're gonna start creating your whole life is gonna out picture from those upsets.

(10:19):

And it's gonna be a downward spiral. So placing your boundaries, not about them. It's actually about you holding in the minimum par piece. And if you're not able to stay in peace, then you definitely need to place boundaries. Okay. And it's not about them. It's not about changing someone else's behavior. It's about taking responsibility for your wellbeing, for your life, for how you're informing subconscious mind. Okay. And universal mind. So boundaries is really about you living a divine life and taking responsibility around living your truth and living in your power. If you're place your power again, outside of yourself, to somebody else and making your emotions about somebody else, then we have a lot of work to do. Okay. But the first thing again is boundaries and boundaries are about getting clear of, uh, getting committed to staying in peace. Peace has to be the bare minimum, the par of your emotions.

(11:15):

Okay. And if you're getting into all the upsets, that's, it's good. As long as you're transmuting the emotions and propelling you more towards your truth. Okay? So even the times when I was dysfunctional in relationship, getting upset, sending ridiculous text, you know, blocking people, doing the whole vicious cycle, the dysfunction I now can see where actually was a blessing in disguise because all those things were birthing my truth. They were birthing what I'm really committed to, which is also birthing my power. So it's not like it's bad when you don't hold your boundaries. Sometimes. Cause sometimes we have to, to go through those lessons of life to discover our truth, but in placing boundaries. So how do you do this? Right? It's not about telling somebody else what you need. I mean, yes, it's good to communicate that it's really about coming into it from a place of knowing who you are and what really works for you and doesn't work for you.

(12:12):

So let's take it in a different stance. Let's just say, for example, I run a very large, uh, a community of, uh, hundreds of women and a few men and train, um, you know, thousands of women and men around the globe. And then we touch hundreds of thousands of people, um, online, right? So we have a community. And let me tell you that this test me in many ways and I had someone in the community reach out and they said, um, you know, Dr. Aaron, what do you do? I have a client that I had of falling out with. And I said, congratulations, this is great. This means a universe is developing you because years back, you know, I'd say maybe one out of a hundred people, you know, you just don't vibe something just doesn't go on. It's not right. Right. So it's always a blessing cuz if there's a breakdown at all, it's actually the opportunity to put in what I call in business policy.

(13:04):

In relationship, we may call it like our standards, right. But we still have to place boundaries. So as you're watching this, I invite you or listening to this, I invite you to think about where do you get upset? And that's where you need to create a boundary, which means clear communication. And if someone doesn't honor what works for you or what you need, then you've gotta place more of a boundary. So there is a time and place to block people. There is a time and place for you to, to hold your own sacred space of peace within your life and in your soul. And so it's up to you individually. So what I'd recommend is I would actually recommend, um, taking a journal. Okay. And in the journal, I want you to have three different rows if you will, but three different rows. And in the rows you can kind of say, um, a line of kind of the worst behavior, right?

(13:57):

Wh when do you know that you're spiraling into your worst behavior when you're going below par into that part of you? That isn't good. Maybe you're sending bad texts. Maybe you're breaking up with somebody getting back together. Maybe you are acting out even more than that. Maybe, um, you're shaming somebody, maybe you're gossiping behind their back, whatever it is. I want you to write down all those things. And then I want you to also write in that same column of all the things that someone else, your partner, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, or whoever it is, does that has you act that way because you are gonna have to take responsibility around that. Okay. The second row I want you to put in there and I want you to put in kind of your, your par what's your par, what what's the what's the must have of, of kind of who you are at kind of not your best self, but the person that you, you, you really are committed to being like somebody who's a good communicator.

(14:50):

Somebody, somebody who is healthy and you know, in, in who they are in relationship, um, somebody that's showing up fully, somebody that is serving and not just selfish, right? Whatever it may be that kind of par that middle, like must have. And I want you to write out also in the must have column, what are you must have from your other, from your partner. They need to be, you know, clear in their communication. They need to, you know, be somebody that shows up, um, committed in the relationship, you know, no shenanigans, whatever that may be. Okay. And then the next column, the third column, I want you to put in kind of your ideal scene, right? Like what's the ideal scene. Um, somebody shows up completely powerful. Um, I am, uh, in gratitude all the time I am in serving. I am creating, uh, experiences with my partner and making a difference in the world, whatever that may be.

(15:43):

And I want you to put in what that third column is. Okay. So you have three columns, one's kind the worst self number two column is kind of your, the part of you that is kind of your must have your standard of who you wanna be in the world and relationship. And your third is your ideal scene, the vision of who you really wanna be and who, who you wanna show up as in relationship. Okay. And then what I want you to do is I want you to take this kind of list into your life. And I want you to take responsibility and notice when you're coming down into your worst self, the first part, right? What is it that's happening? And where can you take responsibility and put boundaries on yourself? Or do you need to place boundaries on another person and have them outta your life?

(16:22):

Because you have to take responsibility so that you are the only one that will, will go into that first row into the worst version of yourself. No one else can make you go there. No one else can make you become the worst version of yourself because you have the choice to keep yourself in environment. And if you're in a domestically, you know, abused, uh, uh, environment or something like that, please, um, you know, get professional, help call services. If something happens where you're in danger, okay. But you have to take a look at these three areas and take responsibility for your life. So again, boundaries looks like you taking responsibility, whether that means that you only spend so much time with somebody, whether that means that you take a title of, of what that relationship is off of you. Right? So for example, um, if somebody's, you know, getting upset, let's just say, for example, um, I had a client that, that she would get very upset once she got into a committed relationship because she had more expectations of the relationship.

(17:23):

I had another client that they, um, you know, when they began to work together in their relationship, she'd get really upset when they worked together. Cuz there was just too much, there was like a whole plethora of other expectations of work stuff. And so what, what we sometimes will do with people that are dealing with trying to create boundaries is kind of delaying some of those things, taking away, maybe a title, maybe taking away intimacy because it doesn't work for you, you of the expectations that you have when it comes to that level of relationship versus with a friend, right. I experienced that as well. And with say work, maybe it's that you don't work together because you're not able to just, you know, it, it, you turn into another person in work and that person and that relationship doesn't work, taking it into your intimate relationship, right.

(18:08):

Where are those boundaries for yourself? What are those boundaries for yourself? And you think about and begin to notice in those triggers, in that, that worst part of yourself, what happens that triggers you to getting into that worst part of yourself? Are you able to recreate those parts or are you trying to change the other person? If you're trying to change the other person that ain't never gonna work. Okay. It's really about taking responsibility for yourself. Okay. So, and the cool thing about boundaries and about all of life is that universe is gonna keep testing. You keep testing, you keep pushing you to know what you're truly committed to, to know what your boundaries are. So always say a different words for boundaries is really commitment. Who are you and what are you committed to? What are your standards? What is it that really works for you and doesn't work for you?

(18:52):

And it brings me to my favorite quote, which is by Gerda, which reads until one is committed. There is hesitancy the chance to draw back concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There's one elementary truth and the ignorance of which killed countless dreams, splendid plans. And at the moment, one definitely commits oneself. Then Providence moves to all sorts of things occur to help. One that would never otherwise occur. A whole stream events from decisions raising in one favor of manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man or woman could have dreamt would have come her way, whatever you can do or dream that you can do begin it boldness has genius, power magic in it, begin it now. And so the point is, is that clarity equals power boundaries holds you in your power for your commitment to yourself of what works for you.

(19:52):

Okay? It doesn't mean you have to make anyone wrong. So the practices is to get clear of what works for you. No longer have to make anyone wrong, be able to see them as the perfection that they are, be able to see them as the divine spirit that they are and be able to hold boundaries for yourself. And for me, this was one of the biggest breaking healing points of a relationship that I was in that I had to say goodbye. In fact, I had to block him. He was, you know, uh, a famous rockstar and had fallen off the wagon for theta time, had cheated on me for the umpteenth time. And I had to block him for my own piece, for my own sanity and in the healing process. The biggest thing that actually had me finally heal beyond doing my trauma work on my PTSD work and all that is I had a lie and the lie was that I didn't love him because I did love him.

(20:44):

And I still love him to this day. But that doesn't mean that I would want him in my life or definitely not to be a partner. Okay. So you can hold somebody as a perfection and the divinity that they are and still have boundaries. That boundary may be. I'm just in that person's life part of the time, I cannot be in this life at all, but you can still see their perfection. You can still love them because the truth is that we are we're one with everyone and we love everyone. That's the truth. The truth is we are only love and we're all one we're one unity. Okay. So in that I just say, may you live your divine life? May you live your truth? May you live in your power? May you know that every relationship is the opportunity to discover what you like and what you don't like.

(21:25):

Every opportunity is the step more into our unconditional love and be able to place boundaries for us to thrive and for somebody else to thrive as well. And so I just say, may we place healthy boundaries and live bountiful? And so I just know this in my mind as together we say. And so it is okay, you guys, I'm so excited. If you wanna learn more about placing boundaries and really birthing your truth, we do that in new thought global and society. If you wanna facilitate and do some of the processes we do in transform the trauma in birthing people's truth in doing all that work, you're welcome to learn more about society as well. We train and develop and certify spiritual coaches, practitioners, and all of the above. Yes. You can become a doctor of Divi as well. Okay. So have a beautiful day. You guys, and please share this like this comment below, uh, share it with a friend who you know, is struggling with codependency or in relationship drama, or needs to learn how to place boundaries. We all have to master this. Okay. And together we rise. So have a beautiful day. And may you live your truth?

(22:26):

Thank you for tuning in society and Dr. Aaron podcast. If you've had a call to be a spiritual leader or coach, you can go to soul society.com and check out our free training. If you've received value here, I would love it. If you take a moment and give a five star review in exchange, I have a ton of free gifts for you. Grab your free awakening book, 40 guided meditations and digital manifesting masterclass. I also have a free money meditation and worksheet for you. So you can begin to break through your scarcity mindset and claim your birthright of prosperity. You can get all of your gifts and learn about our upcoming transformational events in my biolink in both Instagram and Facebook. That's under Dr. aaron.tv, which is D E R I n.tv. Also, I'd love to invite you into our free private community on Facebook, under groups called society. That is facebook.com/groups/society. That's S O U L C I E T E. Have a divine day. And may you live your truth?