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Am I addicted to my relationship?

Am I addicted to my relationship?

Welcome to The Dr. Erin Podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma, birth your soul’s purpose, and manifest your dreams. Learn the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I’m here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life. I want you to know that I’ve been exactly where you are and I believe in you. Together, we are awakening the world.
Hi, I'm Dr. Erin, doctor of divinity and the creator of the E4 Trauma Method®, world-renowned spiritual leader, master spiritual psychology coach, international best-selling author, and the 2020 Walden Wisdom award winner next to Oprah. Forbes nominated her as “11 Of The Most Inspirational Female Entrepreneurs To Watch On Instagram.”
Join Soulciété Spiritual Entrepreneurs or get Accredited Certified as a Spiritual Psychology Master Coach & E4 Trauma Method® Coach.
Learn the universal law of attraction, metaphysics, manifestation, spiritual psychology, past-life regressions, and spiritual awakening. This top podcast is created to provide support, education, self-development, healing, motivation, and inspiration. Spiritual trauma recovery is the key. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. www.soulciete.com


Welcome to The Dr. Erin Podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma, birth your soul’s purpose, and manifest your dreams. Learn the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I’m here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life.  I want you to know that I’ve been exactly where you are and I believe in you. Together, we are awakening the world.  

Hi, I'm Dr. Erin, doctor of divinity and the creator of the E4 Trauma Method®, world-renowned spiritual leader, master spiritual psychology coach, international best-selling author, and the 2020 Walden Wisdom award winner next to Oprah. 

Dr. Erin is committed to bridging spirituality, science, and psychology. She is forging ‘New Thought Wisdom’ in the study of Spiritual Psychology; the study of how everything is created from Source at a soul level.

Forbes nominated her as “11 Of The Most Inspirational Female Entrepreneurs To Watch On Instagram.” 

Join Soulciété, and get certified as a Spiritual Warrior, Spiritual Entrepreneur, or get Accredited Certified as a Spiritual Psychology Coach & E4 Trauma Method®, Spiritual Psychology Master Practitioner, Master Teacher, or Doctor of Divinity.


Learn the universal law of attraction, metaphysics, manifestation, spiritual psychology, past-life regressions,  and spiritual awakening. This top podcast is created to provide support, education, self-development, healing, motivation, and inspiration. Spiritual trauma recovery is the key. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Transcript

(00:01):

This is first live from Los Angeles. Welcome to the Dr. Aaron show. We're all about manifestation transformation and breakthroughs. It's time to claim your birthright of prosperity, vitality and love. So grab your tea, coffee, because together we're awakening the world. May you live your truth? Are you addicted to love, or do you wonder if one of your friends is addicted to love? What is love addiction and how do you know, how do you know what is happening in your life and in your love or in your non love life? If you are interested in discovering what love addiction is an are you addicted? You wanna listen to this podcast, welcome to the Dr. Aaron podcast. We come together to know the truth, live on spiritual principle and align with universal law. We truly believe and know that when somebody awakens, they have a gift and message to bring to the world and together we're awakening the world.

(00:56):

So I am a doctor of divinity. Why we consider ourselves doctors is because we truly heal to revealing truth. And I absolutely know what it is like to be in the suffering and in the dysfunction and in the addiction of love. So today I wanna just answer that one question. Am I addicted to love? I'll never forget the day. I asked myself that question. I was in a tumultuous relationship and I remember focusing on him over and over and over again, thinking if he changed, if he healed, if he did all of his work, then everything would be good and I'll never forget it. I was, um, I was in a codependency meeting. It was a 12 step meeting and I was talking to a friend in there and I think he asked me something like, how are you? What's going on? And I began to rattle off all the things that was happening with, uh, with the man. I was in a relationship. He did this. He said that, oh my gosh, can you believe it? And I'll never forget. He looked at me and he said, what are you gonna start focusing on him? What are you gonna stop focusing on him? And why don't you start focusing on yourself?

(02:19):

Bam, shut the whole entire stop me in my tracks. It was like a, it was like a screeching halt in a race car, making skid marks across the racetrack. What? Me? No, even though I was even in codependency meeting, I still was there to try and think that I would change myself to fix him. You know, that's how sick I was. So today you may be asking yourself, am I addicted to love? And as you guys know, I work with soul-based entrepreneurs, spiritual coaches. And so you may be asking why are talking about love addiction, right? The point is this, is that what I have found with working and developing thousands of people across the globe is that until they deal with their relationship issues, they do not have true, um, true success in, in their personal professional life. And, um, I'm also here, as you guys know, to say that the concept of relationship in our culture is something that is very limited.

(03:32):

And I have met people that are not in relationship that can be the most healthy, thriving human beings. Um, and I've met people who are in marriages that could also be the most miserable people I've ever met and vice versa. I've met people in loving relationships, completely thriving, and I've met single people, completely miserable. So I do not believe in a title or a relationship status to be somebody that is healthy in relationship. I truly believe that the ultimate relationship is with your higher self it's with divine it's with that aspect of yourself. And I was actually on a conversation in a meeting the other day with someone who said, they'd actually had a, a marriage with themselves. They actually had a ceremony marrying themselves as their partner in this life. And being able to fully be expressed and be in relationship, but being fully complete as themselves.

(04:28):

And I'm not here to say that's good or bad, or, you know, we should be, you know, let go of gender and become X, whatever. I don't, I don't have an opinion. I think that each person has a freedom of choice to decide what works for them in relationship and whatever it is for them to fully, um, be in self love and fully at peace and fully in expression and connection at the same time. So why do we care about answering the question? Am I addicted to my relationship? Am I addicted to love? Am I codependent? What's going on? How do I figure this out? So one, some of the signs, I'll just say that after I'll work with a CEO or a single mother or whatever it may be. And what I find is that, um, the people who are addicted to love generally are it's impacting their life.

(05:22):

It's impacting their life in whether they are being a roller coaster with their emotions. So they're not being able to focus on the present moment, wherever they are. So addiction tends to have people basically, um, be thinking about the past or be thinking about the future. Is it gonna happen? Is it not gonna happen? Right? Or they're not present right here. And I remember specifically, so some of the signs that I went through were this, I remember, um, like looking at my phone a lot. Has he texted, has he not texted? What did he say in that text? What is he doing? And I'd be like, almost compulsively wondering where is he at? What's he doing? You know, is he lying? Is he telling me the truth, all the stuff. And, um, some of the signs, I just remember being, um, I would, I would, we'd get to, as we call it the vicious cycle or the merry-go-round.

(06:16):

And there was times when I would basically get so, uh, entangled with him and enmeshed with him that I would lose track of all my other friends and family. I literally would like almost morph into a different universe, almost like a heroin addict. When they take drugs, they become euphoric. They kind of let go of everything. Oh, food, money, family, friends, none of that matters only this, this, um, you know, substance over here, this love addiction over here. And then the merry-go-round would complete it cycle. And then we would break up or have some dysfunctional thing. And then I would slam back into reality, just like the heroin addict that just can't get the next hit. Right. It's like withdrawals and feel like crap. And all of a sudden you're like, oh my gosh, I, you know, I need friends and family and I need to make money and I need all these things.

(07:10):

Right? So some of the ways you can tell if you are addicted to love is because you're having a negative, negative impacting your life, you know, straight up. Okay. It also can be where, um, to go further with it, because I've gone to the opposite side where, what we call it is being an anorexic and love addiction. Okay. So you'll see this, um, even with, you know, entrepreneurs and impacts people I work with, um, and it's impacted myself where, when you deny yourself of love and connection and you just go, well, I'm just gonna not have any dysfunction whatsoever. I'm not gonna even date at all. And therefore, what happens is your soul slowly dies. It's like literally the anorexic that stops eating and you, you know, the life starts getting sucked outta them. They start turning pale and they have no nutrition and they're alive, but barely.

(08:09):

So it's the same with that going to that spectrum. And are you addicted to your relationship or addicted to not having a relationship, right? Is it negatively impacting your life? And what happens is, uh, what happens with working, say with someone who's trying to sustain a multiple six figure company or something, and they're denying themselves of love and connection and expression, they put into box. It has to be a certain way. They're not good enough. And they just keep pushing people away, keep pushing away. They're basically, you know, total anorexic in it. And, um, what happens is the soul begins to die. I know it, well, I I've done it, you know? And, um, and you begin to basically just your, your whole mojo, if you will, your whole thing begins to go down, right? Your, your entire zest for life begins to go down.

(09:04):

If you don't have some love and expression, it doesn't have to be in the construct of say a relationship. It doesn't have to be, but you need to be around relationship. Whether it be friends, whether it be, um, you know, loved ones, whether it be whatever you begin to just die a little bit. So how do you know, you know, and answer the question, am I addicted to my relationship? Well, addiction is really easy to define, and it is, is it negatively impacting your life? You know, there's a spectrum of addiction. You can be an addiction where things are beginning to become negatively impacted. And there, then there's a little bit further, right? Where it's like, um, yeah, this isn't working like truly, and truly, you're either getting so upset in your relationships that you can't focus or get anything complete, you know, or it's just beginning to you're dying just because you're denying yourself of everything. Right? So roomy has a quote, the famous roomy. He says your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

(10:13):

I think that so often in our lives, we seek somebody to fulfill us, to complete us as Jerry McGuire. You know, the famous saying in, um, Jerry McGuire, you complete me. And in meta, in mind, science and mind, we teach that if you place your power outside of yourself, you will be disempowered. It's that simple. It's 1 0 1 of metaphysics. The moment that you place your power outside yourself, or put your relationship as your higher power, or put a substance or put your career, or put your status or put your age, or put your body or put anything outside of yourself, you actually will become disempowered. That is the power of consciousness. So the goal in all of life and in love and in relationship, whether it be with your friends or your family, or your peers, or, um, a intimate relationship or a sexual relationship or a dating relationship or a marriage or whatever, because all of life is a relationship.

(11:20):

The goal is to have love, connection, and expression. Everyone. I don't care who you are, everybody. Every soul that is, that is the glue of unity. That is the glue of oneness. That is what we teach. That is our primary principle in new thought global and in the new thought movement. So are you addicted to love? Addicted to love is basically a tug of war. I want it. I don't want it. I gotta have it. I can't have it. I love you. I wanna break up. Oh my gosh. I wanna seek my per person and then finding everything wrong with them. A girlfriend, me sent a really funny meme the other day. It was like two pictures next to each other. And on one side, the woman's like, I really wanna find my person. And then on the other, uh, side, the picture she's sitting across from this guy and he is eating food.

(12:16):

And she's like, this MF is, you know, look at how he is chewing. Like she's like disgusted and out of there, right? And the point is, this is that addiction is a tug of war. You can't have it. You can't not have it. You want it. You don't want it. It's back and forth. It's in and out. It doesn't work in and it doesn't work out. Right? It's like the heroin addict. It doesn't, it's not gonna work for them to be on heroin. And then the minute they aren't on heroin, it doesn't work for them to not have heroin, right. It's back and forth. It's all that. It's all or nothing, everything. So are you addicted to love how you really, the way to define being addicted to love is defining not being addicted to your relationship. Sorry, how we figure out if you are addicted to your relationship is looking at what it looks like to not be addicted to a relationship, to not be addicted to a relationship means that you don't make them your source, that you're able to be happy, fulfilled, and peaceful, regardless of what someone else is doing.

(13:21):

And you might think, well, that's impossible. How could I be okay if somebody is cheating line or you know, doing drugs or whatever it may be. That's not what we're saying. We're not saying a healthy relationship would also have you put yourself in an environment where you don't thrive. Okay. So it means that you don't put them as your higher power. You don't put them as your source. You take full responsibility for your fulfillment, for your peace and for your joy. What does it look like to be in a healthy relationship? It looks like to accept them exactly as they are. I saw a little, uh, post on Instagram. I think it was yesterday. And it said something like, here's a relationship hack for your ladies out there. It said, imagine your man, you know, or woman or partner, doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, whatever. It doesn't matter. It's all gonna be the same. Um, imagine they have a, a tattoo on their forehead that says as is right. So what it looks like to be in a healthy relationship is to love somebody exactly. As they are unconditionally with healthy boundaries. That's what it looks like to be in a healthy relationship. What does it look like to be in a healthy relationship?

(14:39):

It looks like you being somebody that's not resisting. What is right. We try and fix change, you know, transform heal. Oh my gosh. If you just went to therapy. Oh my gosh. If you just didn't watch too much TV. Oh my gosh. If you just didn't do that, whatever, then it'll all work out. Let me fix him. Let me change him. Let me heal him. Let me transform home. And we recognize in metaphysics at what we persist. So as long as you're resisting anything and not accepting people exactly as they are, you're gonna suffer. And guess what? They're not gonna wanna change even more because you're resisting it. So what does it look like to be in a healthy relationship? It looks like to accept somebody exactly as they are and not try and change. 'em that's what it looks like. What does it look like to be in a healthy relationship?

(15:38):

Well, you know, I think so. Oftentimes we find what's wrong with people and we, you know, and this is the commonality after interviewing, working with people and helping so many people find peace, whether it be single, whether it be in a relationship, whether it be in marriage, whether it be with multiple partners, everyone has their own level of peace and expression. Okay. So, so what it, what it means is, is to find your truth, to truly find your truth and to be clear of what that is a healthy relationship looks like. You're not looking for someone to complete you, right? Like, because people are gonna be stupid sometimes, right? Like what does it look like to be in a healthy relationship? Right? So if you're asking yourself, am I addicted to love? Am I addicted to my relationship? If you are trying to fix somebody, if you're trying to change somebody, if you are, um, if your relationship is impacting your personal or professional life, if it's impacting your health, if it's impacting and, and holding your energy, if it's holding your energy.

(16:48):

I remember, um, in my addiction being so obsessed with thinking about him, like, if even if I broke up, I would be thinking about, you know, how he did X, Y, and Z, how he cheated, how he said this and how he lied and how did it was running like a tape machine going through my head. And so we understand and know through all the other podcasts and things, that trauma is the most important thing, because trauma is what's projecting into your relationships and it goes something like this, I'm not enough. I'm not worthy of love. I can't do this. I'll never find somebody that is, you know, that works for me. I'll never find a soulmate. It looks like it's commands. We all have commands. We all have identity. And it plays out like a broken record in our relationships. Right? So for me, my command and my identity and relationship for majority of my life was I'm not lovable.

(17:52):

And what would happen is no matter what they did, even in, you know, some of the healthier relationships I was in, where they truly did love me. I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it no matter what, no matter what they said, no matter if they did anything, um, I would never believe it because I, I didn't believe that they truly love me. So I was always looking, I was looking through the veil. I was looking through that lens of you don't love me. So no matter what they did, I would find proof. It's like being in a lawyer in court, right. You're either, you're, you're, you're making a case for one side or the other. Right. You can make a case to say, somebody loves me, or you can make a case to say they don't love me. And you'll find proof regardless. So in relationship, people are always, they have their kind of set thing.

(18:41):

It's subconscious always. Right. And it may look like, um, you know, I'm not worthy of love. It may look like everyone cheats. It may look like whatever it may be, and they will find whatever proof they need to make sure that that is a self-fulfilling prophecy. So again, you know, are you addicted to love? I would say that if you even have to ask this good question, then yes. At whatever level, I'm not sure. But what I know for sure is that if you are in our culture whatsoever, you most likely have addictive behavior at some level, very few people don't, it's probably nine outta 10 people do. And so if you're asking the question, most likely it's yes, because until someone truly finds source within, until they seek the kingdom and the kingdom within and her or his righteousness, all things will be added, right?

(19:45):

So until then, no things will be added. You cannot have love until you cannot have love until you truly love myself. Let me say that for the third time, you cannot have love until you truly love yourself. And when you love yourself, it's okay. Whether you date or not, whether you are married or single, whether you are gay or straight, whether you are alone or around the most amazing person, until you find that love within you will always be alone. You can be married and be alone. You can be in the relationship with the greatest person. And you will find your way of thinking that you are divided, that something's wrong with you, that you are not lovable. That you'll never be enough. Trust me. I know it so well. Are you addicted to love? Are you addicted to your relationship? If you even ask that question, the question itself answers just like we say, in prayer, prayer in prayer is the answer because in prayer and even asking and inquiring into the possibility of what, what it is that you're seeking, you become that, which you seek in the consciousness. The prayer is the answer. The prayer is the answer. If you have to ask the question, am I addicted to my relationship? It already a answers it because it is in the mental equivalent of asking that question. That means that you absolutely have not found the truth of asking the truth of who you are.

(21:30):

You are love. That is who you are. You are the source. You are all of that. As Rumi said, you were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life? So what does it look like? What does it look like? What would your life look like? And this is the answer. What would your life look like? If you were fully free in love? What if you didn't need to put it into a box? What if you never had to make anyone wrong? Again? What if you were able to have sacred union only when it really was authentic?

(22:22):

What if, what if you were able to live your truth, whether that be getting married or saying single or dating many, whatever that truth is for you. What if you no longer tried to fit into what the culture had to tell you what it meant to love? What if you loved every single person that you came in contact with just truly from your heart to their heart, just truly, and truly loving them unconditionally, giving them your heart and soul fully. So the question is, why should I be unhappy? His Rumi said, why should I be unhappy? Every parcel of my bean is a full bloom. What if you were love everywhere you went, no matter what the other person was doing, no matter if they were anything, no matter what they did, what does it look like? What if you're fully expressed in love?

(23:22):

Well, that don't work. You know, I need somebody who's gonna show up and do X, Y, and Z. I need somebody who makes some money. I need somebody who's gonna, you know, marry me. I need somebody who, um, you know, doesn't, um, make their house too dirty. I need somebody that's blah, blah, blah. We do not teach. We do not teach. We do not teach conditional love. We do not teach outlining. The universe is bringing you exactly what you need. The person who's in front of you is exactly who you need. It may not be the person that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, but I promise you, this is your masterclass. This person right in front of you is the masterclass. How can you love this person right in front of you unconditionally and honor yourself and hold healthy boundaries. And maybe that means saying, no, I'm not gonna date you. I'm not gonna be with you, but I'm gonna still love you. I'm still gonna treat you how I would want to be treated.

(24:31):

That's the golden rule, isn't it. Right. I promise you. Whoever is in front of you is the exact correct person for you to learn how to love with grace, with respect, with unbounded love. And so in this moment, I just say, yes, I say yes to love. I say yes to releasing the identity of am I addicted to my relationship? I am the questions I ask, speak into existence. My reality, who am I, if I'm fully expressed in love, who am I? If I unconditionally love who am I being as free as I am in love, who am I? If I tear down the walls that, that I, you know, the task is not to seek for love, but to merely, to seek and find the barriers within myself that I've built against it. Who am I? If I built break down those walls, who am I? Who am I? If I stop acting small, who am I? Who am I? If I ecstatically go through life, loving exponentially, who am I? If I seek knowing that whatever I'm seeking is seeking me with total utter faith, who am I? Who am I without grief? Who am I without suffering? Who am I without? I am not enough. Who am I?

(25:57):

Who am I? If I'm actually happy? Who am I? And in this question, and in this inquiry, the mind, the divine mind has to answer, knock and seek and know all answers will be given. I know right here, as you seek the kingdom and kingdom within and seek her or his righteousness, all things shall be added. May you never hand your power over in a relationship again, ever? That does not mean you don't love exponential. It doesn't mean you don't commit to somebody. That doesn't mean anything. That means that you release the, the need for someone else to make you happy. You release the need for expectations. You release the need to put people into a box. They are divinely perfect. Exactly. As they are, no matter where they are in their track, no matter if they're authentic or lying or on drugs or perfect or healthy or not healthy, they're perfect.

(26:55):

Their divine, their divine track in this lifetime is perfect. Who are you to judge them? You don't, they don't, you don't deserve to have them in your life. If you judge them, it's spiritually unethical. So rise up. Sister rise up today from this day forward. I say, hear me right here. I am love. I don't need anything for my love. I'm here to give an express love, knowing it reflects back with total perfection. And so in this divine moment, I just say, yes, I say, yes. I say yes. As drew said, set your life on fire, seek those who fan your flames. Don't try and, you know, have somebody love you that it's not their bliss? Why would you do that? Focus on people's strengths, build on things that are bind you together. You know, people that always look for what's different and wrong with people will always be single. The people that look for commonality and build upon those commonalities will have exponential beauty and love and relationships everywhere they go. And so on that note, I just wanna say, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, roomy. And for all the greats that taught so many great things about love and life and laughter and true connection within the heart, the one divine that is the ultimate beloved. And in this I say, yes, I say, yes. I say yes, finishing with one last quote from roomy. You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.

(28:32):

I want you to just go into meditation on that one. You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens, have a beautiful day. And may you live your truth if you'd like to get trained in metaphysics of mine, universal law and, um, or E four trauma method, um, or become a part of an extraordinary community, you can check us out@newthoughtglobal.com. And I would love it. If you gave a review, a five star, of course would always be great. We're gonna be doing a giveaway with some reviews here, shortly, doing some announcements. So get involved. It means the world to me. Okay. Send you so much love. Thank you for tuning into the Dr. Aaron podcast. If you've had a spiritual calling or desire to get certified as a spiritual coach or a world renowned spiritual leader, go to new thought global.com. If you've received value from the show, I would love it. If you share it with a friend and give it a five star review. Also, we have spiritual practitioners that are trained to deliver the E four trauma method and assist you in birthing your truth. So let's be friends on social media. Again, my handle is Dr. aaron.tv across all social media, have a beautiful day. And may you live your truth?